mtemplar_fic | To Have And Not To Hold

Current Music: 'Alegria' - Cirque/'Here's My Hello' - Lewis

Entry tags:

To Have And Not To Hold - Quinze

Title: To Have And Not To Hold
Author:

mtemplar
Rating: Adult
Characters: The Doctor (Tenth), Rose Tyler
Genre: Angst, Graphic Sex, Graphic Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Disclaimer: I do not own 'Doctor Who' and am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Spoilers: Series 2, up to 'School Reunion'
Author's Notes: My first Who-fic - please be gentle! Thanks to

slayersgrl and

nonlinearmusing for initial read-throughs and suggestions. Grammar and formatting helpfully beta'ed by

brit_columbia and

banshee196; general content/grammar has been kindly betaed by

platypus - thank you all so very much!
This story is loosely based on the Fourth Doctor serial, 'The Brain of Morbius' and contains elements from the 1996 TV Movie and the NA novel 'Lungbarrow'.

Summary: The Sacred Flame of the Sisterhood of Karn has failed. Will the Doctor once again be able to put things right? Rose soon finds herself in over her head as she learns a few secrets about her traveling companion.

Previous Chapters:

Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq Six Sept Huit Neuf Dix Onze Douze Treize Quatorze

Crossposted to Teaspoon and time_and_chips!

Latest Chapter:

Trying to hide how badly her hands were shaking, Rose reached out a hand to trace a path down the Doctor's cheek. He pressed forward to kiss her soundly, but withdrew all too soon, and she moaned softly from the sudden loss of contact of cool lips to hers. Blinking her eyes open, she saw that the Doctor, still weak and groggy from being drugged as well as from his recent artron loss, had collapsed back down onto the bedding. He was panting lightly, and watching her with impossibly dark eyes. Eyes that held mixed emotions... want and need were surely there, but she thought she also could see anxiety... and perhaps fear? She realized that he was waiting uncertainly for her to make the next move and she quickly closed the distance between them. Bending to kiss him, she threaded her fingers through his hair, marveling at its coarse yet soft texture.

The Doctor groaned loudly into Rose's mouth, a hand reaching up to lightly ghost over the planes and angles of her facial features, lingering at her temples before skimming over her braided hair to cup the back of her head and deepen the kiss. His other hand moved to the small of her back, tugging her against him.

Rose, losing her balance, collapsed against his chest with a gasp, breaking the kiss. She lay there briefly, her cheek pressed to his cool, pale skin, listening to his racing hearts before pushing herself up on one elbow to look at his face. Her mouth went dry as she took in the intensity of his gaze, the flames of the dying fire across the room reflected in their depths. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, catching his scent. He still smelled of the fragrant oil that had been used to bathe him, but it somehow smelled different on him than it did on her. She thought she could detect... lotus? Lotus flowers spiked with honey and sandalwood - a warm, lazy scent, seductive and sensual and filled with promise. Bending her head, she softly kissed his chest over both of his hearts, feeling him shudder in response.

Her breath unsteady, Rose shifted, planting soft kisses down his chest to his abdomen. The hem of the sheet was even lower now, revealing the bony crest of one of the Doctor's hips. She pressed a kiss to the inside curvature, delighting in the deep groan that it produced. Sliding a hand down the plane of the Doctor's abdomen, she felt brave enough to skate her fingers over the sheeted outline of his obvious arousal. He jerked at her touch - his breath hitching - and Rose smiled, feeling ridiculously giddy. He wanted her. He really did.

Strong hands gripped Rose's upper arms and suddenly she was hauled up along the Doctor's lean body, coming to rest on his chest. He reached down to bring one of her hands to his lips, kissing each of the tips of her fingers. His eyes gleamed with mischief as he nipped at her palm, his tongue slowly licking a path back up the side of her hand before suddenly engulfing her index finger in his surprisingly warm mouth. All coherent thought left Rose's head as he began to suck gently on the digit, with the occasional nip and graze of his teeth at the side. She could feel warmth continuing to build in her belly as she watched him, his eyes closed as his tongue continued its slow and tortuous exploration.

Releasing her finger with a wet popping sound, he grasped her arms roughly, bringing her up for another kiss. Rose moaned at the sensation of his soft, wet tongue curling about hers as the kiss deepened. She felt herself beginning to burn as he broke the kiss, shifting to plant soft wet kisses to the side of her mouth and the angle of her jaw, before moving down to the hollow of her throat to lick and suck at her skin. She felt more than heard his growl of frustration as he reached the edge of the silken fabric of her borrowed robe. Taking advantage of his brief distraction, Rose pushed herself up and astride his recumbent form, adjusting to sit squarely on his lap.

He gasped, instinctively trying to push up into her through the sheet and her robe with several jerking thrusts. As his hips rocked into hers, she could distinctly feel the size and shape of him through the layers of fabric. On impulse, she reached down between her legs to fondle him through the sheet, grinning as he squirmed and cried out in her grasp. He spoke raggedly in the musical language that she couldn't understand as she began to stroke him, a lovely moan escaping him as he clutched helplessly at her moving hand.

Rose felt a rush of pure feminine triumph as she continued her sensual torture; she wanted nothing more than to see him come undone at her hand and smiled at each low groan and soft whimper that her actions produced. As she slid her fingers along his shrouded length, she delighted in the dazed look in his eyes. He didn't resist as she shifted, moving to straddle his thighs. He pushed himself up on his elbows to watch her intently with darkened eyes as she traced the outline of his cock beneath the sheet, now flat against his belly. Rose caught his gaze briefly before slowly lowering the sheet down his hips, exposing him again to her view. He shuddered as she moved in for a closer inspection that she hadn't had time for previously, teasing him with puffs of air to his cock. He appeared to be uncircumcised - decently long, and not overly thick. She felt his sharp intake of breath as she lightly touched him, his hands fisting in the material beneath him.

Sliding off of his thighs to sit at his side, Rose looked up to see the Doctor's eyes go to half-mast as she curled her hand around his cock, feeling the odd, pulsing double beat beneath smooth skin which, like the interior of his mouth, seemed much warmer than the rest of his body. His mouth went slack as she started to tentatively pull and stroke him, his upper body collapsing back against the pillows of the bed, hips beginning to thrust in time with the movement of her hand.

Bending to press a kiss to his forehead, she watched the bob of his Adam's apple as he swallowed heavily, his breathing ragged. He opened his eyes to her gaze, revealing a raw need that made her throat constrict painfully. Pausing to collect herself, she leaned in again, kissing the hollow of his throat to produce a loud groan of desire - the sound of it sending another rush of liquid heat through her belly. Realizing that she'd stopped her ministrations, she gave his cock a small squeeze, his hips jerking in response to the sudden renewed sensation.

Lying down beside him, she continued to touch the Doctor lightly, feeling the velvet softness of his skin contrasting with the hardness of his erection. As her touch grew bold enough to alter his breathing, he rolled to face her, pressing his face into her shoulder, murmuring in melodious tones. She kissed his cheek, gasping as he turned into her kiss, lapping at her mouth. Rose again squeezed him lightly and he tore his mouth from hers, groaning low and deep before latching on to her neck to lick and nuzzle. His fingers grasped her hips and suddenly Rose found herself pushed down onto her back. The Doctor leaned over her, holding her arms down by the voluminous sleeves of her borrowed robe before swooping in to kiss her. He was a fantastic kisser, Rose thought, trying to stop her head from spinning as his tongue toyed with hers.

Rose felt as if she were falling through stars as he continued his duel with her tongue, his warm, sensual scent filling her senses and setting her aflame. Slipping one hand free, she reached for him, her hand lightly caressing his chest, tracing his lean musculature. Her breath caught in her throat as his hand captured hers, returning it to the surface of the bedding. His mouth shifted from hers, lips and tongue nibbling and sucking at the side of her mouth to the angle of her jaw, sending wave after wave of pleasure crashing through her overheated body.

Rose's breath came in ragged pants as he continued to move slowly, his mouth trailing down her throat. He released her hands as she clenched her fists in the bedding, knuckles white as he sucked gently at the base of her neck. She could feel the coolness of his fingertips as they traced along the edge of her robe. Feeling him shift, she looked up, watching as his gaze drifted lower. White-hot pleasure shot through her as he nuzzled her clothed breast, but he moved back up to kiss her soundly, his eyes burning, still darkened with desire. Anticipation coupled with frustration coursed through her as she watched his gaze rove over her robed form.

With maddening slowness, the Doctor traced with cool hands where his eyes had roamed. Rose was breathless, captivated by the feel of him moving lightly over her robed skin. Her thoughts scattered again as she felt him lean in, his wet tongue tracing the shell of her ear. She gasped, trying to wrench needed air into her lungs as he settled himself onto her body, his hips moving in lazy circles against hers. He propped himself up on his elbows and Rose felt his cool fingertips slowly sliding up the sides of her face, stopping at her temples. She opened her eyes as he pressed his forehead to hers, moaning softly.

Rose could suddenly see flashes of her meadow around her, but it was fuzzy and dull in contrast to its usual vivid clarity. From what she could see in the brief images, the previous damage appeared to have vanished, and the wild roses were once again in full bloom. The Doctor was not there, but she could see the increasing darkness of rolling storm clouds in the distance, and a sudden gust of wind lifted her hair from her shoulders, tangling it behind her.

Rose blinked, feeling the Doctor's fingers shift from her temples. He was looking down at her, his eyes dark and unfathomable. She reached up to him, hands shaking, her palms slick with sweat. He lowered his mouth to her neck again, mumbling indistinctly. "What's that?" Rose murmured, her voice sounding very low and breathy to her ears.

"Your pheromones - can smell them - oh." He shuddered against her and her arms slid under his to encircle his back, squeezing him to her. "Can't think...."

"Want you," Rose panted as his teeth nipped at a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. "Please...."

"Mmmmmm... clothes," the Doctor said softly. "Too many."

Rose watched as one of his hands slid to the front of her robe, searching for the fastenings. He toyed briefly with the hooks before slowly beginning to undo them....

Next Chapter

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. This is like the most extended foreplay ever, this story. And I'm loving every second. :-)

I'm glad to see both of them just diving in to this--like everything else they do--they're going full steam ahead. And you portray what's happening so vividly; I can feel what Rose is feeling, and what she's thinking makes complete sense to me.

And, of course, incredibly hot. Hoo boy. [fans herself]

Thank you!

This is like the most extended foreplay ever, this story.

Nah, that would be Series 2 - until the most terrible coitus interruptus!

And no, thank you for the kind comments!

Oh no -you stopped again, just as it was getting really really good. You are cruel!

Goes to find bucket of ice.

Yes I am. But you like me anyway, right? Right? *hears crickets chirping in the background*

I could go off you --- if you don't resolve this in the next chapter you will definitely be off my Christmas card list and I'll be writing to Santa about his BAD list....

*is a card-carrying member of Santa's BAD list*

What's on your Christmas cards? *is curious*

Guh. You are such a tease.

No, that would be Ten. He's terrible! *laughs*

And I thought last week was a cruel place to stop! You are a tease. :-p

For the record, next week shouldn't be as bad. I hope.

Magically delicious!

Most of this is, of course, just incoherence-inducing, but a few thinky thoughts:

Blinking her eyes open, she saw that the Doctor, still weak and groggy from being drugged as well as from his recent artron loss, had collapsed back down onto the bedding. He was panting lightly, and watching her with impossibly dark eyes. Eyes that held mixed emotions... want and need were surely there, but she thought she also could see anxiety... and perhaps fear?

From Quatorze:

"But what I can tell you is that I am bonded to you. The bond is getting stronger - and I want your touch, I - I need it, while I can still have it."

Is it not so much the future that he's fearing, as that he's sensing his more 'modern' Gallifreyan nature reasserting itself - and he's afraid that once that takes hold, he'll just shut back down and this opportunity for closeness will be lost to them?

Not to mention the possibility that he's not going to remember a lick of this when it's over (no pun intended).

Edited 2008-02-20 19:22 (UTC)

Is it not so much the future that he's fearing, as that he's sensing his more 'modern' Gallifreyan nature reasserting itself - and he's afraid that once that takes hold, he'll just shut back down and this opportunity for closeness will be lost to them?

There's a few things going on here - first and foremost, poor Ten is a little nervous! He's made a bond to Rose and he's not sure if she'll accept it or not. He's also seeing several timelines in which there is no future between them (dum, dum dum....) and he's worried that he'll lose her. I can't tell you yet about the other thing that's going to come out in a few chapters... but it's going to be another huge twist!

Not to mention the possibility that he's not going to remember a lick of this when it's over (no pun intended).

His senses are coming back, so he'll have hazy memories of what goes on. *grins*

He's made a bond to Rose and he's not sure if she'll accept it or not.

That implies perhaps said bond entails a bit more than she's quite aware of yet...

His senses are coming back, so he'll have hazy memories of what goes on. *grins*

Hazy and verrrrrrrrry happy ones! So long as he doesn't fully wake up amidst and freak out...

That implies perhaps said bond entails a bit more than she's quite aware of yet...

Just a bit, yes.

Hazy and verrrrrrrrry happy ones! So long as he doesn't fully wake up amidst and freak out...

Now that would be amusing. *grins*
"Rose, what're you doing - oh."

Now that would be amusing. *grins*
"Rose, what're you doing - oh."

I'm picturing it like that one episode of Quantum Leap where Sam leaped into a gentleman having relations with his affianced at the moment... kind of a 'where the hell am I now?' and disorientation immediately followed - nay, interrupted - by a rather mind-blowing climax.

Almost more along the lines of 'Rose, what - oh oh OH!!!'

XD

Edited 2008-02-21 01:29 (UTC)

I'm picturing it like that one episode of Quantum Leap where Sam leaped into a gentleman having relations with his affianced at the moment... kind of a 'where the hell am I now?' and disorientation immediately followed - nay, interrupted - by a rather mind-blowing climax.

Almost more along the lines of 'Rose, what - oh oh OH!!!'

XD

I vaguely remember that episode! *misses Quantum Leap suddenly*

Man, we're going to have to have a funny omake for 'Seize', I can see this now.

Man, we're going to have to have a funny omake for 'Seize', I can see this now.

Random smartassery and mini-fics are what LJ comments are meant for! \o/

Random smartassery and mini-fics are what LJ comments are meant for! \o/

*laughs* And what happens in the comments stays in the comments, right?

Oh, for heaven's sake! You're stopping THERE! *grumples and pouts* That's just mean. Oh well, excellent chapter, it's quite the lead in. *winks*

*shuffles feet* Sorry?

it's quite the lead in. *winks*

It could be that, yes. *wink wink nudge nudge*

You are evil.

And I mean that in the most loving way possible.

*GAAAAAHHHHHHH*

*runs to hide from all the love*

No, No, NO you can't stop there, thats just cruel unbelievably so. I love this fic, but seriously are you using it as a weapon against me?

No, No, NO

Oh dear, I can almost see you beating the poor little keyboard of your computer! *feels bad*

are you using it as a weapon against me?

Yes. You will make me more fabulous icons now if you ever want to see the next chapter...mwah ha ha! Okay, kidding... maybe....

I agree with the others, you are an awful tease! But next week will make it better, right? :)

I should start answering with preview songs like yesterday! *laughs*

I think you'll be ok with the next chapter. No promises on the one after that!

What? What? What! You ended THERE?! What!!

*laughs*

In my defense, could you really limit them to ONE chapter? C'mon!

*GULP*
How do I explain to my staff working tonight why I'm beet red and gasping? Oh, the horrors of impatience and reading at work!
[This is so better than the show I'm working - Menopause the Musical *snores*]

And you had to stop THERE?!?
Seriously though, I love your writing style and the pacing is fabulous. I look forward to my next Outlook alert on your posting.

How do I explain to my staff working tonight why I'm beet red and gasping?

Man, I dunno - you'll have to let me know what you came up with!

And you had to stop THERE?!?

It seemed like a good stopping point as I did plan on spreading things out over multiple chapters. *grins* You might have to come up with more cover stories for reading at work!

Seriously though, I love your writing style and the pacing is fabulous.

Thanks - it's been a crappy day around here and that is so nice of you to say. *sighs happily*

*THUD*

...I wish I could say something constructive but...*THUD*

Oh no, I've killed you! Twice! Are you a Time Lord in disguise?

*breaks out the defibrillator and charges to 50 Joules, just in case*

*looks at defibulator* ZOT!
I'm reminded of a Justice League episode...Hawkgirl's electrified mace....

*headdesk* damnit to hell...theres another plotbunny in my lap...

*headdesk* damnit to hell...theres another plotbunny in my lap...

Sorry? Charge to 100 Joules to ~~fry~~ get rid of plotbunny?

rofl *ZOT*

ahh much obliged, my friend. LOL

So on the one hand I came into this story when there were lots of chapters to read which was good.. on the other hand you decided to stop THERE, which is really bad.

Love the way you write psychic/telepathic Ten, he's my favorite *smirks*

can't wait for the next chapter and to see what else is up with this bond!

So you started reading today from the beginning? Wow! How long did that take? *is curious*

Thank you very much for the kind comments!

Umm about 30-40 mins maybe, could be longer or less... didn't really keep track....

That's impressive! That's about how long it took me the other day just to refresh my memory with chapters/notes. You must be a speed-reader! Either that or I'm just slow. *grins*

I can speed read with novels and fan fics. My textbooks on the other hand, which I wish I could speed read, take hours to get through a single chapter...

Your story is really good though! Makes the reading go by quick, also means that we get to the end quick which in this case is really sad...

outta curiosity, when do we get the next chapter? Do you know?

I hear you. I crack open one of mine and get instantly sleepy. Problem, that.

Thanks! I'm trying to post every Wednesday. *ducks tomatoes*

You know, I just knew you were going to stop there.

*sighs*

I'm really enjoying this story despite you unmitigated evil.

Evil, me. Yup. Although, more than one chapter of smut is good too, right?

I'm glad you're enjoying the story - thanks!

Steamy chapter, I can hardly wait for the next.

It'll hopefully be worth the wait - thanks!

wow.

I'm hoping that's a good 'wow'. That's a very small 'w'. *grins*

You certainly have the art of the tease and the cliffhanger down to a science. Glad I don't have to wait for the cliffhangers to be resolved.

I've been told this. Many times. By many people. *grins*

Yes, you don't have to wait for the cliffies to be resolved, but I am apparently keeping you awake. That can't be good.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

To Have And Not To Hold - Quinze

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